My 30 year long battle with skin picking - Bethany’s story
Hi Bethany and thank you for kindly agreeing to share your BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors) story.
Which behavior do you struggle with and when did it begin?
I struggle with skin picking, particularly my nail cuticles and sometimes my scalp. It began when I was a young child but I don't specifically remember my age.
What do you think is the reason behind your behavior? Knowing that it's a coping mechanism, what is the real underlying issue you're coping with through the behavior?
Now that l'm older and l've done a lot of research on trauma, I believe that I developed this coping mechanism because I didn't have any safe outlets to express and release my stress/emotions. I also believe there is a genetic component to BFRB's because my sister started at the same age and picks in the same way. My other sister and mom also pick their scalp.
When did you first become diagnosed/aware of BFRBs as a recognized condition? Did it change anything for you?
I discovered that BFRB'S are an actual condition while googling about picking my skin. I was very shocked to discover that it is an actual condition with a cause. The only thing that it changed for me was validating that this was a real thing and that allowed me to learn more about why I do it.
Do you still struggle? How many years has it been? If you stopped, how have you managed to do it?
I've been picking my skin for over 30 years. I do still struggle with it but currently it is less severe and intermittent. That is likely because I have experienced a severe health crisis this last year and lowered my stress levels significantly. Times that I have stopped or lessened skin picking, I didn't do anything in particular to stop it. I would just notice after a few days that I hadn't.
“You deserve to externalize your feelings and distresses in a healthy way, without causing harm to your body.”
What has been the most helpful in your healing process? Therapy? (What kind?) Supplements? Fidget toys? Diet? What else?
I have not proactively tried to heal my BFRB. In fact, although I'm aware of what it is, I haven't wanted to stop. If anything I would say lowering my stress level has helped in the past.
Do your loved ones know? How did they react and how did it feel to "come out"? Who's your biggest supporter?
My family has always been aware that I pick my skin. Before I began picking, I sucked all my fingers until I developed warts. My parents tried making me wear gloves but that didn't last. My older sister is my only 'supporter' as we both pick our fingers and discuss how much we're doing it or how bad it is.
How does skin picking affect your day to day life?
Skin picking doesn't affect my daily life currently but there's been countless times I'd pick to the point of bleeding. This was very hard to hide in public places (i.e. work, social settings). Putting bandaids on my fingers actually made the compulsion worse.
What would you say to your younger self?
I would say to my younger self that I'm sorry you didn't feel safe in your environment and that I wish people around you took more care and notice of your distress. You deserved to externalize your feelings and distresses in a healthy way, without causing harm to your body.
What advice would you give to others going through it?
My advice to others would be to try not to feel shame around your BFRB. Doing some research to understand why you do this and getting to the root cause of your distress can be very beneficial.
What resources would you like to see available in the near future for BFRB sufferers? Was there a resource you used that you would recommend to others?
The biggest resource that I feel should be accessible to all is trauma-informed therapy. I believe in discovering root causes and helping people holistically. I think more people sharing their stories would be great so that others know they're not alone. Support groups would also be a very helpful thing.
Thank you❤️
If you’re currently struggling with dermatillomania, trichotillomania or other Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors, check out our Heal BFRBs blog for helpful resources. Get The Dragonfly Journal and start using journaling today as a tool on your BFRB healing journey. Learn more about 1:1 Premium Trauma Informed Coaching.