My Skin Picking Battle - Interview With Linda Ward

Hi Linda and thank you for kindly agreeing to share your BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors) story.

Which behavior do you struggle with and when did it begin?

Picking scabs, bites, or any other raised area on my body.

What do you think is the reason behind your behavior? Knowing that it's a coping mechanism, what is the real underlying issue you're coping with through the behavior?

I have done this for as long as I can remember. I was always told that my dad didn't love me because I didn't look like him, so I thought that if I was perfect that I would be loved. I tried to change or remove everything that I saw as imperfect.

When did you first become diagnosed/aware of BFRBs as a recognized condition? Did it change anything for you?

18 years ago, I lost my kids because the only place I could afford to rent was a rundown, rat infested trailer, owned by a meth dealer.

Do you still struggle? How many years has it been?

Yes, I have been battling this for 40+ years.

What has been the most helpful in your healing process? Therapy? (What kind?) Supplements? Fidget toys? Diet? What else?

As long as I keep my hands busy and wear gloves to bed then I don’t pick. I wire wrap, macrame, clean the house, untangle delicate jewelry, and have an over complicated bath routine, and still I am covered in sores.

Do your loved ones know? How did they react and how did it feel to "come out"? Who's your biggest supporter?

Most of the women in my family do this, so there was nothing to say. They thought I was odd for trying to stop. My boyfriend doesn't fully understand the why, but he brings the behavior to my attention when he catches me. I know he is just trying to help, but I still find myself getting angry and finding ways to pick without him seeing.

How did/does hair pulling and/or skin picking affect your day to day life? What would you say to your younger self?

I spend so much time searching my body for bumps, blisters, or other imperfections that those who love me feel neglected. My youngest has even sent me text messages reminding me not to hurt myself. If I could I would tell my younger self that she is beautiful, and so intelligent that her “family” is scared of her, and the only way they can be around is if they made me smaller. To those that care it doesn’t matter.

What advice would you give to others going through it?

You don’t have to hurt yourself to regain control of your life or to feel. The idea of perfection is an illusion. There are people who care about you out there. Who it is and where they are might surprise you.

What resources do you think are missing/would you like to see become available in the near future BFRB sufferers? Eg. support groups, books, journals, courses?

I feel that if this condition was seen more in the media (not in association with drug use), more of us could get help. We want to be loved, and when we feel unloved we self harm, but the scars and scabs further isolate us, and so the cycle continues.

Was there a resource you used that you would recommend to others?

I didn't use a resource. My boyfriend had been begging me to stop picking, and I happened to come across a Facebook group. I was afraid of further judgment, but thankfully, I made a post on the page. Knowing that I am not alone has helped considerably.

Any final words of advice?

Find a judgment free place that will support you through the hard times. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Thank you ❤ Linda Ward (Ana Miss)

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If you’re currently struggling with dermatillomania, trichotillomania or other Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors, check out our Heal BFRBs blog for helpful resources. Get The Dragonfly Journal and start using journaling today as a tool on your BFRB healing journey. Learn more about 1:1 Premium Trauma Informed Coaching.