The Dragonfly Symbolism (And What It Means For Your bfrbs)
Wondering what on earth does the dragonfly have to do with your skin picking, hair pulling, nail biting or other Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors? Or why I decided to name my creation The Dragonfly Journal? Let's unpack the dragonfly symbolism and what it means for your BFRB(s). It's going to make sense, I promise.
Intelligent design
When it comes to intelligent design, it’s hard to beat Mother Nature. Around for over 300 million years, dragonflies have had plenty of time to perfect the art of hunting (97% success rate), flying - including backwards, and near 360 degrees vision. As one of the oldest flying machines in the natural world, the dragonfly has been the original blueprint for the design of modern drones.
It's not its abilities up in the air that fascinate me most though - it's what happens before the dragonfly becomes the awe-inspiring creature we all recognize and admire. It's the fact that the dragonfly survives for up to ten times the length of prime adults while underwater as nymphs, or in their larval stage. Yes, you heard that right. Dragonfly development takes significantly longer than their actual lives. Nymphs typically spend a year or more before emergence (with some species pushing it up to five long under water years).
From a nymph in hiding to life of freedom
What the heck does that all have to do with my skin picking or hair pulling? Well Friends, the metaphor is simple: I'm in my mid thirties and I spent my entire life in what feels like a nymph stage, knowing nothing but life in hiding (despite surface level "normalcy" & "success"), aka life with dermatillomania and trichotillomania. Now that I am pick- and pull-free, I feel like I am finally emerging from underwater, about to spread my wings. At long effing last. And as much as I'd like to have only positive associations with nymphs as beautiful magical ethereal female creatures of folklore fairytales, it wasn't pretty for me at all.
If you asked me about spirit animals a couple of years ago, I would've directed you to the About section of my food travel blog Around the World in 80 Flavors, where in my cultural ignorance I cynically claimed that "my spirit animal is the burrito"... So bear with me, because in my darkest moments of picking- and pulling-induced despair I was ready to receive all the help I could get. Which is when the Dragonfly showed up.
“Now that I am pick- and pull-free, I feel like I am finally emerging from underwater, about to spread my wings.”
Metamorphosis and transformation
The dragonfly, in many parts of the world, symbolizes change, rebirth, metamorphosis and new beginnings. Precisely because they transform from aquatic nymphs to airborne adults, they are often believed to represent self-realization and deep internal transformation rooted in one’s mental and emotional maturity. Likewise, the traditional association of dragonflies with water, and the way they tend to flutter across its surface, symbolizes one’s seeking to find what’s beyond the surface and discovering the deeper meaning of life.
This spiritual symbolism also teaches us that the dragonfly embodies the stripping away of all the negativity that holds us back, helping us to achieve our goals and dreams. This remarkable insect reminds us that anything is possible. As such, the dragonfly ultimately represents hope and infinite possibilities.
“In my darkest moments of picking- and pulling-induced despair I was ready to receive all the help I could get. Which is when the Dragonfly showed up. ”
As a Spirit Animal, dragonfly moves into our life often when we are taking things too seriously and losing our joy. This teacher restores lightness to our spiritual wings and mental processes. The reminder is simple: find hope and joy no matter how dark it seems. Dragonfly is tied intimately to your emotional state. It asks: What feelings are you hiding? What feelings are self-created illusions? What feelings do you need to explore more deeply? Give yourself to the dragonfly’s transformative power and sense of peace.
I invite you to pause here and do your own brief research on how your culture has perceived and cherished the dragonfly over time. To help get you started read my overview of Our Ancestors And The Dragonfly Mythology: Ancient Egypt And Native America.
Enlist all the help you can get
Dragonflies are old and wise spirits, so the idea of the dragonfly as a guardian dedicated to our care, well-being, and even aid and supervision on our path to breaking free from BFRB is a very comforting one. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'll take all the help I can get, no matter how "out there". Looking back on the metamorphosis I have undergone over the last couple of years and hardly able to recognize the old me, I am no longer a cynic. The moment I trusted the process, surrendered and let myself be guided, is when I started the domino effect of transformation.
I hope this goes without saying but I'll say it anyway. The dragonfly and the whole idea behind this journal is just a metaphor for exactly this: surrendering, trusting the process and eventually becoming your own best guide and healer. Seeking, searching, researching, evolving, looking for guidance everywhere you can. Building a team of helpers - both physical (therapists, counsellors, trusted accountability buddies, energy healers, trauma informed coaches, aestheticians, book authors, mentors, breathwork facilitators, yoga teachers, shamans, the BFRB community, *insert what works for you*) and metaphysical!
“Looking back on the metamorphosis I have undergone and hardly able to recognize the old me, I am no longer a cynic. The moment I trusted the process, surrendered and let myself be guided, is when I started the domino effect of transformation. ”
Plenty of guides to go around
News flash: the dragonfly isn't the only spirit guide available to you. There are plenty of guides to go around within the Animal Kingdom and beyond. Has the rabbit shown up a lot lately? (It happens to be my husband's spirit animal.) Wild cats? Maybe the owl, the hummingbird or the humble cardinal? The serpent is a very powerful spirit and definitely played a massive role in my skin picking recovery process. It literally symbolizes the shedding of old skin and starting anew! (It even played a little joke on me - more on that another day.)
The goal is not to become a zoologist but to train yourself to stay permanently tuned in to your body, your soul and your surroundings. To keep your heart and mind open - and eventually your third eye when you're ready. Do you see where this is going?
It's through this kind of attunement that we learn to be HABIT AWARE. Boom. No amount of fidget toys and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will help if you're disconnected from your SOUL and your SELF. From your CORE. Period.
“It’s through this kind of attunement that we learn to be HABIT AWARE. Boom. No amount of fidget toys and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will help if you’re disconnected from your SOUL and your SELF. Period.”
Spiritual beings in physical bodies
Unless you've been living under a mushroom (more on mushrooms in future posts…), you must have heard the viral and somewhat appropriated by now phrase: We are spiritual beings having a human (physical) experience. This concept used to be way too woo woo for me to comprehend a while back but today I have ZERO doubt that this is the truth. The moment I tapped into my spirituality was, as they say, the first day of the rest of my life.
“I can still only see a dragonfly, its wings as thin and light as silk and its body the color of rainbow. But on the wings of this dragonfly I take off and fly, for my soul carries no weight. It is our bodies – these borrowed vehicles of flesh and bone – that weigh us down. Our spirits are eternally free and invincible.” – Daniela I. Norris
You don't have to run to the nearest chakra balancing specialist. Take it slow, let it sink in. Mix and match. Take what works for you and leave what doesn't. Journal on it! Make 1% progress today. That's all. Ask any pilot and they'll tell you an incremental 1% shift on the path will get you to eventually land in a completely different destination.
“Some of us needed to stay under water longer than others to fully embrace and understand the lessons. But it is time to evolve. To break free from the larvae of your BFRB. It’s time to spread your wings.”
Surrender and spread your wings
I want to leave you with this thought: Whether you're aware of it yet or not, you are being taken care of. Your Ancestors, your Spirit Guides (Dragonfly & co.), your Angels, the Universe - they are all watching over you. They want you to succeed and live your most extraordinary life. You are exactly where you are meant to be and you're learning exactly the lessons you are meant to learn.
That's what the nymph stage was for. Some of us needed to stay underwater longer than others to fully embrace and understand the lessons. But it is time to evolve. To break free from the larvae of your BFRB. It's time to spread your wings, Friends. Surrender and trust the process. I'll see you up in the air.
With gratitude, Gaby ❤️
If you’re currently struggling with dermatillomania, trichotillomania or other Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors, check out our Heal BFRBs blog for helpful resources. Get The Dragonfly Journal and start using journaling today as a tool on your BFRB healing journey. Learn more about 1:1 Premium Trauma Informed Coaching.