10 Ways Journaling Can Help with Your BFRBs
Did you keep a diary as a kid or teenager? A secret notebook hidden under the mattress where you confessed your most intimate thoughts, daily struggles, heartaches, ups and downs of friendships and other trials and tribulations of life? No, I'm not going to tell you that you can forget all about it because grown up journaling is a whole different story. Because it isn't.
It may not smell like bubble gum (mine did...), but just like your teenage diary, your adult journal is a place to confess your struggles and fears without judgment. The same rule applies whether you're 15, 35 or 65: get all of those thoughts and feelings out of your head and down on paper. Open your journal, let the pen flow and make your world clearer.
Here's the irony. Back in my bubble gum diary days, which is when my dermatillomania and trichotillomania both began (around the age of 11-12), I struggled AF and was totally helpless with my condition, but ... didn't even realize I had it. So I couldn't journal about it. Go figure.
Picking on my skin seemed like something many of my friends did - hello puberty. And the hair pulling was done in such a state of trance-like haze that it didn't even register with my conscious mind until a decade later when all my curls were gone and beyond rescue (RIP curly hair). To be perfectly honest with you Friends, a part of me wanted to publish The Dragonfly Journal to help grieve and mourn that part of my life.
Journaling has been proven to help cope with stress, depression and anxiety. You can find countless posts on mental health benefits of journaling. While no research at the time of writing has been conducted to prove the efficacy of journaling for skin picking, hair pulling or other BFRBs, (no surprise here, because very little research has been conducted for BFRBs in general - here's hoping it changes very soon!), keeping a journal can be a game changer for you. Here's 10 ways how:
Flow of feelings
This is journaling plain and simple. Seriously - just grab a pen and a piece of paper (it doesn’t even have to be a journal) and let the word stream flow. And if you’re worried that a stream won’t come, don’t. Just start writing about what happened today (it may or may not include skin picking, hair pulling or other behaviors) or how you felt today (it may or may not include feelings around your behavior). It will create a snowball effect.
Remember that it doesn’t have to be an essay, it doesn’t have to have neat paragraphs, or even proper grammar. You’re writing for yourself. No one is going to grade you. Just have a little vent session. Most importantly, don’t overthink it and make it a daily habit. Journaling is a muscle!
Pro tip: make it part of your daily routine and link it to a habit you already have. For example, put your journal on your kitchen table where you drink your morning coffee. Or on your bedside table and journal for a few minutes just before sleep. Personally I’m a night time journal person as I like to get things off my chest before I fall asleep. But there is no right or wrong way to do it. Just start.
2. Behavior log book
Literally just that - note down every time you perform the behavior, to the best of your ability and memory. The log doesn’t have to precise, its aim is to give you (and your therapist or coach) an idea of what is the general pattern here. To take it one step farther and make it even more insightful, try to write down how long you did it for and what were the general circumstances and place.
Was it in front of the bathroom mirror? Were you traveling and gave in to your skin picking in your well lit hotel bathroom? (Can you guess I’m speaking from experience here?) Did you pull your hair or eyebrows while on the couch binging on Netflix? It will all be super helpful info for your coach or therapist to put together an action plan targeted at your specific situation.
What’s important here is that you are an observer. Remove all judgement. Write it all down without emotion (that’s what flow of feelings in number 1 was for). Record it as if you were a researcher working on your own case. Pro tip: you don’t even need a proper journal for this. Maybe just keep a dedicated note in your Notes App. I’ll borrow a phrase I heard a lot in my work as a travel photographer: the best camera (or log book!) is the one you have with you.
3. Record Triggers/moods/urges
Take number 2 one step farther and jot down what circumstances led to you starting the behavior in any given moment. Again, to the best of your ability. I know better than anyone, trust me, that by the time you’re done performing the behavior, you hardly know how long it lasted and how it started. The trance state is real. But in most cases you will have a general idea.
Was it a fight with your spouse which left you so stressed out you needed to feel a sense of relief and hair pulling was the default? Were you feeling hopeless for various reasons and ended up in front of the mirror seeking a false sense of control? (Both used to be a common urge for me). Too much time at home/boredom? (Hello pandemic…) One glass of wine too many and not fully in reign of your emotions? Too much family time around the holidays?
Write it all down! It may seem obvious in the moment (and even provide what seems like a valid excuse, don’t fall into that trap!) But when your therapist asks you to name those situations and give specific examples your mind will go blank. Be prepared. Pro tip: dedicate a section in your journal or use a specific color of highlighter.
4. Therapy companion
Attending therapy is a massive step forward, well done you! But what is a true game changer is coming home after a session (or ending a zoom call) and grabbing your journal to further analyze what you just worked on with your therapist or coach. While therapy is an invaluable and irreplaceable container to explore certain aspects of your healing journey, journaling afterwards is an often overlooked add-on.
Oftentimes in the therapy room (be it in person or virtual), we go with a certain flow. We’re basically in the arena doing the work, healing wounds, uncovering new ones, essentially fighting for our emotional health and wellbeing. After a session, it’s helpful to take a moment to look down at the arena from the perspective of a spectator, and notice what comes up. What did we miss? What did we not say to the therapist? What real life examples did we forget when put on the spot that would’ve perfectly illustrated what you discussed? What should you start the next session with?
Keep journaling on this throughout the week, not just immediately after your session. If you pay close enough attention things will keep coming up. That’s one of the benchmarks of progress and awareness so welcome those thoughts with open arms- then write them down.
5. Doodle and sketch book
Personally I’m not much of a doodler but I’ve seen just how effective it can be. Some people prefer that over fidget toys. Having a note book or a soft cover journal and a pen or pencil with your at all times can be a true godsend. My mom who works with children with autism told me about a sketching technique they use as a way to center, focus and divert attention from unwanted behaviors, and I found it fascinating.
Are you’re curious and think it could help your hair pulling or nail biting (maybe less so for skin picking? if you tried it lmk) but not quite sure how to get into it? I totally get it because I was kind of intimidated by it at first too. An easy way to give it a go is to just start drawing the infinity sign (aka reverse figure eight) over and over again one line on top of the other. Thanks for the tip mom!
In theory it should work just like a fidget toy or a pair of gloves. Of course, just like with a fidget toy or a pair of gloves, you have to actually remember to have them handy. Set yourself up for success by keeping a pocket notebook ready in your purse or backpack, on your desk, in your car, bathroom drawer etc. Ideally everywhere you perform the behavior. This doesn’t have to be a nice journal. A $1 mini legal pad will do just fine. A small investment with a potentially high ROI, wouldn’t you agree?
6. Affirmations and intentions
Affirmations are everywhere today, and if you’ve ever scrolled through Instagram or Pinterest I don’t need to explain them to you. But how can you use them to your advantage in overcoming Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors? Simply dedicate a minute or two after your “main” journaling session, and write down an affirmation (one is more than enough) appropriate to your behavior. Just start with I am… or I have…
For example, when I still struggled with trichotillomania, I would write down affirmations such as “I have thick, bouncy, shiny hair I can play with without pulling one out.” For my dermatillomania I would write down “I am the kind of person who can confidently stand in front of a mirror and do my make up without hesitation and without checking in on my pores close up.“ (Things our non picking peers take for granted, huh?) Or: “I have healthy, radiant, glowing skin and I don’t have to worry about my imperfections.” Or “My skin is so healthy from the inside it heals and regenerates itself.”
As for intentions, you can just very quickly write down “today will be a good day without biting on my nails. I got this.” Putting pen to paper has a lot of power to it and is a very underrated tool. Use it!
7. scripting and manifesting
Manifestation played a HUGE role in my recovery process and you’ll be hearing more about it from me for sure. Whether it’s a new job, money, relationships, a classic quilted Chanel, a Land Rover or a life without trichotillomania or dermatillomania, manifesting is a life skill that once understood on a cellular level, you cannot discard. You literally have the power to think yourself into certain reality. The principles of it go WAY beyond the book The Secret and social media manifestation gurus (except one, who really walks the talk and whose teachings and courses really made an impact on my BFRBs).
You can’t discuss manifesting without first discussing intergenerational trauma, limiting beliefs, childhood wounds and other core issues stopping you from living the life of your dreams. It’s beyond the scope of this post. But one super helpful trick I learned while studying the art (and science!) of manifestation is scripting. Which is what you need your journal for. Think of it as an extended affirmation. Basically you’re the script writer of your life. Imagine yourself and your dream pick- pull- and/or bite-free life 6 months from now and describe it on paper, in present tense, with certainty, as if it were you journaling in the future.
For example: It’s June 20th 2023, I have been free of dermatillomania for 3 full months now and my skin has never been more glowing. I got yet another compliment on how radiant my skin looks and Anna at work asked what foundation I use. I didn’t use any! I have been leaving the house without make up for over a month now and I have never felt more confident in my skin.
You get the gist. Insert the behavior you’re about to quit and let the imagination carry your pen across your journal pages. I know it might be a hard concept to grasp fully but just trust me, the Universe is listening - and reading your journal too! If you can dream it, you can do it.
Putting pen to paper has a lot of power to it and is a very underrated tool. Use it!
8. Gratitude
This one builds on the previous two. Write down what you already achieved in terms of your dermatillomania or trichotillomania journey. According to the prinicples of manifestation you will receive more of what you show gratitude for. It’s a hard one to comprehend too. I know it sure was for me. To explain allow me to be ruthless for a moment. If you keep crying that you picked or pulled again, the Universe hears “OK, more pulling or picking or nail biting for Gaby, that’s her reality, that’s her state of mind.”
Now, try to flip it around and even on the worst day when you picked and pulled for 3 hours you take out your journal and write down “I’m so grateful that I managed to stop myself from picking more and now I have the rest of the day to spend on being productive, talking to a friend, taking a walk. I’m grateful for my strong will and for this little bit of progress today.” (Maybe last week it was 3 hours instead of 2? That’s progress!!!) the universe hears “OK Gaby is spending less time picking and she’s positive about it, let’s go in that direction”.
Yes, yes I know it sounds like mission impossible to make that kind of mindset switch, especially in the moment of performing the behavior, but we’re conscious beings here right? We’re willing to experiment and keep our minds open right? Pro tip: use a different color pen for all your grateful thoughts just so you can appreciate how much there is to be grateful for every time you open the journal.
9. dream journal
Remember how I said that journaling is a muscle? So is remembering your dreams. The more you write them down every morning the more you will remember what you dreamt about, and the more vivid the details will become. OK great, but what does it have to do with my BFRBs, Gaby? Right, good point. I hear you because when I worked with dr. Alberto Villoldo on getting rid of my skin picking, one of the recommendations he had for me was to start being more aware of my dreams.
I thought to myself, it’s a bit of a pricey session to be talking about my dreams, let’s get down to business. But in retrospect he was right, of course. It’s a subject for another post but let me tell you the gist of it: the more I worked on my dream muscle the stronger my awareness muscle became in my waking life. Which translates to: I gained more control over what to do when I’m standing in front of the mirror (which towards the end of my quitting journey became my sole trigger).
As I said, there is a lot more to it and I’ll be writing a detailed blog post on dreams and what other wisdom nuggets I received from dr. Villoldo. For now the action plan for you is this: Every morning upon waking up (before doing anything else including drinking water or peeing!), write down a few words or phrases about what your dreams. Literally 3-5 key words to start with. Try it!
10. exercise/wellness log
This is the last one but honestly it should’ve been number 1. Friends, I hate to break this to you but without some form of physical movement everything else will remain stagnant as well. Everything I am today I owe to energy. Not just the obvious reiki and shamanic energy healing! We are energy. Our food is energy. Our emotions are energy in motion. And our journey to quitting BFRBs is an emotional one. We must move our bodies to keep the flow going! Do you see how the holistic circle of inner work, trauma healing and self development closes there?
Sure, it’s better to do something than nothing. And yes, there are definitely emergency situations when we need to put out a fire in our nervous system in order to survive, before we stock our refrigerator with broccoli and sign up for yoga classes. But eventually you will come to realize that one aspect of your emotional and physical wellbeing is not more important than others.
Don’t worry, we’re not talking about having a personal trainer and personal chef on hand. Just small mindful changes like getting more steps in your day, a few more stretches, a handful of spinach or blueberries with lunch. Write it down to keep track of it. Why not dedicate a few pages to it and log it as simple bullet points? Be sure to give yourself a well deserved pat on the back to acknowledge your progress!
It's because of this variety of uses that I decided to keep the journal plain/lined, rather than filled with prompts and exercises. Every one of us is on a different journey. That said, I would love to update future versions of the journal to whatever best serves the Community. Is there anything YOU in particular would like to see more or less of inside The Dragonfly Journal? Which of the 10 activities above did YOU use the journal for the most? I'd love to hear your feedback! Would you like me to post more examples of affirmations or scripting? You can contact me here. In the meantime, happy journaling Friends! The transformation is around the corner!
With gratitude, Gaby
If you’re currently struggling with dermatillomania, trichotillomania or other Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors, check out our Heal BFRBs blog for helpful resources. Get The Dragonfly Journal and start using journaling today as a tool on your BFRB healing journey. Learn more about 1:1 Premium Trauma Informed Coaching.